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Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-26437528-20140929043849
I feel kinda weird right now, I don't know how to feel or what to say. I kinda feel just sad. so earlier today my mom told me she has colon cancer. I guess it's pretty serious. She has to do like chemotherapy and all that stuff. I asked her if she could die and she told me it was possible. They are gonna find out how far a long she is this week and I guess she is making her will this week too. What makes me feel weird is they were actually not gonna tell me. But I notice over the last 2 weeks my mom was acting weird. Sleeping till 12 in the afternoon and sick a lot. I assumed he had been drinking again, which she has, but she always drank, her behavior was really just bothering me. So I said something to my dad. My dad was defending her something he hardly ever does, but I got him to agree , he needed to talk with her. But when we got home he said she wanted to speak with me. And I knew something was weird, because my dad was following me in to the room. I thought I was in trouble. But no , she has cancer. I guess all I can do for her is be really nice to her and supportive, but all I want to do is cry. Hopefully that stops soon. I just don't want the worst to happen. But I cant control this, I have no control over her life. I kinda feel bad too, because for the last few weeks I have been poking fun at my mom, she has been losing weight and not eating but sick all the time. I didn't think much of it though but I told her she was dying and her body was shutting down. But I was joking, I didn't mean it. But now she is dying. I just feel horrible about everything right now. My grandpa, my mom's dad died of colon cancer but I was a baby when that happen, But it took him pretty young too. My mom is 59. The weird thing about it all is my mom always said she never want to live past 60. I always knew that was to young. Because I'm not ready for her not to be here. I guess I should just stay hopeful. I means she's not dead yet. But I just cant help feel so sad about it all. I guess its the fear of not knowing what could happen to her. They haven't told my brother and their not going to. Just like they were not going to tell me. I don't think that's right, but it her choice who she tells. He has a lot of problems so I don't think they want to add on to all of his life issues right now. Hopefully we wont ever have to tell him and everything will be okay. I just got to get my mom to stop drinking, because I don't think people with cancer should drink a bottle of wine every night...that can't be good for your health. Anyway sorry for sharing such emotional news, I just don't want to talk about it with people in real life. I'm not ready to , I don't want to cry in front of anybody. I'm trying to stay postive in front of my mom and dad . And I know If I talk to them or my friends, I will cry. But I have all this emotion inside me right now and getting this out feels good.Feels like I can exhale a little right now.